Thursday, May 19, 2011

Here's the first one for my sister...(AKA Don't Mess With Bungee Cords)

So, last post I put up a picture of me looking disturbingly like Marilyn Manson.  I'd like to report that the eye is no longer dilated, but the vision is still not good, even with steroid drops.

This whole episode is reminding me of why I should never be allowed to play with bungee cords.  They are dangerous, dangerous things, and you can take your eye out with one.

Which, in 2005, is what I basically did.  Are you curious?  Ok, here's the story:

Once upon a time, when banks would loan outrageous sums of money to everyone, there was a family that bought a vineyard in Western Colorado:

One day early on when the grapes turned color and needed to be netted so the birds wouldn't eat them, the family bought bird netting.  Unbeknownst to the family, the netting would come on a 500 pound roll with 5000 feet of netting on it.  The family didn't have any way of getting the netting off the roll, and so Husband, after leaving for work, asked the Wife to try and get it off the roll.

Wife tried everything from unrolling the roll down a hill to get long sheets, to trying to pull off short pieces.  The roll was so heavy that moving it, even on a hill, was difficult.

Now, Wife had a temper, and with each failed attempt, was getting angrier.  So, she finally gave up and loaded the roll onto the bucket of their tractor.  But the roll kept falling off!  So, more pissed than ever, Wife ran into the garage to get anything, anything that would hold the roll on the tractor.

And then she spied the bungee cord sitting all innocent-like on a pile of wood:

Wife was so mad, she didn't even think, she just grabbed the cord and pulled, expecting it to come with her.

But it didn't.

Instead, it hooked onto a board until it was stretched tight, and when Wife turned around to see what the deelio was, POW!  Bungee cord let go.  It bounced off of wife's cheek and deflected into her eye.  She had to have stitches in her cheek!  Her cornea was lacerated!

Insult to injury- yes I'm wearing braces!

Her 16 year old daughter with parking lot only driving experience had to drive her on a highway into town to get her medicines!  Strangers looked at her like Husband was probably a wife beater, maybe even an axe murderer!  Wife had to keep the eye dilated for two months!

The moral of the story?

Don't fuck with the Bungee, man.

Remember, it's just a ride.

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